Beckham’s Bottom is Magical: Update

beckhambottomWhenever, we take part in events or situations where the outcome is important, our SuperSense kicks in whereby we engage in behaviors and rituals that we believe will affect the final result. Also, as I noted in a previous post, when we experience a sense of loss of control, we also become victims of magical belief.

It’s no surprise then that superstitious rituals are extremely common in sport both amongst players and fans. Nick Hornby wrote about his ritual of biting the head off a sugar mouse and lobbing it into oncoming traffic before each soccer match in his masterpiece of male obsession, “Fever Pitch.” 

Today we learn that touching David Beckham’s bottom for luck has become a superstitious ritual to his fellow team-mates at the Italian club AC Milan. Well that’s their excuse as I am sure that many would like the opportunity to massage Beckham’s gluteus maximus.

As Hornby points out in Fever Pitch, the problem with superstitious rituals is that they have the tendency to become even stronger and more elaborate. Simple conditioning theory suggests that a string of failures should reduce the tendency to engage in ritualistic behavior. However, intermittent success (which is often the case for soccer) can increase these rituals in an attempt to regain the perception of control. This means that Beckham’s bottom could experience increased attention from the other players over next 3 months during his stint with AC Milan.

Watching Italian soccer may take on a whole new dimension or do you think  I am being too ‘cheeky?’

UPDATE FEB 5th. We now learn that Beckham is considering staying at AC Milan! I wondered what persuaded him?


Filed under In the News, Newspaper, supernatural

24 responses to “Beckham’s Bottom is Magical: Update

  1. This is hilarious!
    Seedorf is pinching Beckham’s bottom, not just touching.
    We now know which part of Beckham hurts the most after a football match 🙂

  2. Arno

    Hmmm.. something more elaborate than bottom pinching….

    Oh well, as long as they wash their hands afterwards.

  3. Gus

    Hmm. In no particular order your blog focuses on breast milk, passionate kissing, naked soldiers, testicle transplants and footballer’s bottoms…

    Come on you Freudians, this is textbook stuff!

  4. I guess we all know how Bruce’s second book will titled – Supersex: Why we desire the physiologically impossible. Less humorously, it is hardly surprising that we should entertain superstitions whose content is in some manner sexual. It would be shocking and far more noteworthy if we did not.

  5. Could this explain Beckham’s reluctance to return to the good ol’ US of A, and his desire to remain in Italy?

    Maybe the lad likes all this posterior-oriented attention…. who knows?

  6. This is funny.

    One of my favorite hockey players is Patrick Roy (now retired) in part due to his increasingly interesting superstitions.
    For example, he felt it was bad luck to skate across the blue lines on the rink, so would hop over them when moving about the ice.
    Silly or not, these superstitions sure add a lot of flavor to life, at least for those of us to get to watch professional athletes fondle each other.

  7. ahrcanum

    Yes it is a bit cheeky. Roy was joy to watch- hope his kids make it to the NHL.

  8. Me too, it would be really neat to see.

    (Nice pun, by the way.)

  9. Gus

    Oh, and voyeurism and robot sex. Yup, that’s it: ‘Supersex’. It’ll fly off the shelves. Bruce can we expect a cut of the royalties?

  10. poietes

    I’ll pass on the royalties if you can get me a pass at Beckham’s bum. I’ve seen pictures of the man in a Speedo . . . Posh is a twig on speed and stiletto heels, but Beckham would be worth patting or whatever it is that Seedorf is doing.

    Sorry, got distracted there. Don’t mean to be so blatantly sexist, treating the man like candy and all of that. Totally unprofesional. Would be up in arms if someone went on about patting a woman’s bum. Don’t know what I was thinking, Bruce. Must be those damn goat gonad protein shakes.

  11. brucehood

    “SuperSex” I like it!

    Maybe there’s a whole range of books…any ideas?

  12. Gus

    Yes, a series of books, but also a series of spin-off products within the SuperSex brand, starting, obviously, with poietes’ goat gonad protein shakes.

  13. brucehood

    Why stop there? Ron Hubbard was on to the right idea… Why not start a whole new religion? After all it does attract the most intelligent….

  14. I’m a little nervous about this new religion idea.

    Christian inititaion is relatively innocuous – ranging from having a little water splashed on your forehead to being dunked in a river.


    ….the religious symbolism of a goat gonad insertion is surely too powerful to be overlooked by new zealous devotees.

    Also, would the congregation be expected to fondle the priest’s bottom on the way out the door?

  15. Just wanted to pitch in on the Patrick Roy love-in. Once saw or read (can’t remember which) a physiological type study on what his spine used to go through during a game – in particular in some of the pretzel moves he’d pull during a save. I’d have been superstitious too if I put my body through that kind of damage.

    I’m a devotee of the SubGenius church myself:

    I can’t wait until Quaternary Prolapse begins! squee!

  16. Oh, and re: the Tom Cruise video….very disappointed with my hero Stephen Fry for going waayy over the top about how amazing he is.

    Cruise: Yeah, I can speak German.
    Fry: Ja, spreche ich ein kleine Bisschen von Deutsch.
    Cruise: What did he say? Was that French?


    (sorry for the badly guessed German!)

  17. poietes

    Now you know not to mention omTee oozCree in front of Bruce. He just goes nuts, and not in the positive goat kind of way . . .

    But getting back to our new religion, I might be persuaded to drink goat gonad protein shakes for a new religion if there is chocolate inserted, but again, I don’t want the frigging gg’s inserted.

    As for patting the pastor’s bum on the way out, I think that’s the kind of thing that would have to be discussed under the full moon while drinking red wine and eating twizzlers.

  18. hey i see you found out about alpha inventions 🙂 how do you get so many comments???? lol

  19. Personally, I think Mr Beckham is irresponsible. He is a role model for young children who are, as we know, already obsessed with ‘bum’ humour. I spend half my life telling my son to stop rabbiting on about bottoms and bums, now his hero is making such puerile jokes acceptable, nay LUCKY.
    I have one word for his team mates: Threadworms. Let’s see how many goals AC Milan can score when they’re preoccupied with scratching their seat.

  20. Arno

    Oh well, as long as they wash their hands afterwards.

  21. Could we wait and see who the preist is before we agree to fondle his bum?

  22. Beckham’s bottom is delectable.

  23. And no Arno- I will not wash my face afterwards!

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