Daily Archives: April 8, 2010

Do You Have an Angry Vagina or Worried Wooomb?

Yes, it’s true. Your vagina can get angry according to Queen Afua who is currently touring the UK promoting her book, ” Overcoming An Angry Vagina – A Journey To Womb Wellness.” Described as a ‘self-help guide to womb empowerment, tracing a timeline of womb damage right across the globe’, the self-crowned Queen Afua says she believes there is a direct correlation between the condition of wombs and the state of the world.

According to a recent interview where she was asked whether one’s vagina could get angry by having bad sex, she proclaimed “Yes, most definitely! So many women experience hit-and-run lovers, or husbands and boyfriends who have abused their bodies. Plus so many women have never truly experienced the joy of an orgasm, or are having an orgasm with the wrong man. An angry vagina is an angry woman while a happy vagina is a happy woman.”

She added: “Angry vaginas are screaming, ‘No more secrets! No more damage! No more crimes! No more wars!’ Well that might explain the deafening roar – or maybe that’s the outrage of women around the world despairing at such statements that do not empower the female but re-state chauvinist attitudes to women and their sexuality.

This all sounds remarkably familiar. For example, hysteria was believed to be a psychiatric condition of women that according to Hippocrates, arose in women whose uteri had become too light and dry from lack of sexual intercourse and, as a result, wandered upward, compressing the heart, lungs, and diaphragm. This nonsense persisted until the 19th century where treatment of female patients typically involved massaging their genitalia…… by the physician of course… hmm -that’ll work then.

So there we have it, it’s all down to the mothers and their angry wombs. But don’t worry there is help at hand (snigger) as with proper therapy you can appease your angry vagina and heal your worried womb. You simply need to eat right and do the woomb dance. Alternatively talk to a genuine sex expert such as my friend Dr. Petra Boynton who can sort out your sex life.

Queen Afua demonstrating the Sunrise Bliss from the Dance of the Womb


Filed under In the News, supernatural