Do You Have an Angry Vagina or Worried Wooomb?

Yes, it’s true. Your vagina can get angry according to Queen Afua who is currently touring the UK promoting her book, ” Overcoming An Angry Vagina – A Journey To Womb Wellness.” Described as a ‘self-help guide to womb empowerment, tracing a timeline of womb damage right across the globe’, the self-crowned Queen Afua says she believes there is a direct correlation between the condition of wombs and the state of the world.

According to a recent interview where she was asked whether one’s vagina could get angry by having bad sex, she proclaimed “Yes, most definitely! So many women experience hit-and-run lovers, or husbands and boyfriends who have abused their bodies. Plus so many women have never truly experienced the joy of an orgasm, or are having an orgasm with the wrong man. An angry vagina is an angry woman while a happy vagina is a happy woman.”

She added: “Angry vaginas are screaming, ‘No more secrets! No more damage! No more crimes! No more wars!’ Well that might explain the deafening roar – or maybe that’s the outrage of women around the world despairing at such statements that do not empower the female but re-state chauvinist attitudes to women and their sexuality.

This all sounds remarkably familiar. For example, hysteria was believed to be a psychiatric condition of women that according to Hippocrates, arose in women whose uteri had become too light and dry from lack of sexual intercourse and, as a result, wandered upward, compressing the heart, lungs, and diaphragm. This nonsense persisted until the 19th century where treatment of female patients typically involved massaging their genitalia…… by the physician of course… hmm -that’ll work then.

So there we have it, it’s all down to the mothers and their angry wombs. But don’t worry there is help at hand (snigger) as with proper therapy you can appease your angry vagina and heal your worried womb. You simply need to eat right and do the woomb dance. Alternatively talk to a genuine sex expert such as my friend Dr. Petra Boynton who can sort out your sex life.

Queen Afua demonstrating the Sunrise Bliss from the Dance of the Womb

8 Comments

Filed under In the News, supernatural

8 responses to “Do You Have an Angry Vagina or Worried Wooomb?

  1. I am so glad that I was not sipping my coffee when I began to read your post. Dear god, that must be my problem: my vagina is angry. That’s why my attitude sucks. I am so glad that this self-proclaimed queen came along to set me straight. I’m sure that my husband will be so pleased to learn that my vagina has been screaming at him . . .

    I once told a lit student of mine (male) that he couldn’t be hysterical because he didn’t have a womb. Can’t remember the context, just the completely baffled look on his face. Oh my. My vagina must have been screaming at him, and I didn’t know it.

  2. brucehood

    Shout out loud girl – you let your vagina do the talking – after all they say that men only think with their….

  3. godskesen

    It seems to me that many people are afraid to admit of negative feelings and instead attribute them to some homunculus. (“Oh, I’m not angry. I’m not an angry person. But my vagina’s really not happy!”) I guess it’s a taboo thing. People don’t seem to have any problem claiming their happiness as their own.
    And the strange thing is, a bad sex life, an unhelpful spouse, world hunger or war are perfectly good reasons to be dissatisfied or even angry, provided you do something constructive with it. It shouldn’t be something wouldn’t want to admit.
    Perhaps us angry, strident atheists could improve our public image by denying that we’re angry – it’s our brains that are angry at pseudoscience and religious barbarism. I’m only half joking. It seems a widespread assumption that an angry person (Dawkins, say) could just stop being angry if they wanted and make life easier for everyone, whereas a person with an angry vagina isn’t responsible for the anger, meaning that other people would have to change – vagina appeasement.

  4. Arno

    Angry vaginas… good thing they don’t actually have teeth then.

  5. Andrew Atkinson

    This is one of those times when I have to use the phrase – “Jesus Christ!”. Well, hands down to her, she’s making a career out of the issue – but, still, the idea of an angry vagina is frankly amusing. Sounds like the woman justs needs a good sh@g to me…

    Come to think of it – so do I. Back in two minutes unless I fall asleep😉

  6. treatment specifically intended for female sex organs, namely feminine spa or vagina spa. The goal is more complete than the daily care, to prevent and cope with whitish, reduce excessive mucus, maintaining resistance to infection, caused a sensation, and increase sexual desire. If done before the wedding this spa allows you to relax tense muscles and nerves. If done at the time of parturition the aim is to restore vaginal elasticity, strengthen pelvic floor muscles, and restore the body condition

    • Rox

      What has “the wedding” got to do with it ? One wonders where Pearlofhealthandbeauty is writing from. Utah ? Riyadh ?

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