The Flying Dutchman’s Ark Royal

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You have only got one month left to put a bid in for HMS Ark Royal that has been put up for sale on the internet. According to the website, the  former aircraft carrier is currently “in stock” but the price estimate is not available. Potential buyers are invited to view the Ark Royal though if they make a bid, they have to provide a brief outline of your intentions for the massive warship. Apparently, restocking and embargoing Hong Kong is not appropriate. It is most likely to be chopped up for salvage. Shame, seems it could be the ultimate rich boy’s toy boat.

Maybe Johan Huibers, an old world Dutch Christian should have considered buying the Royal Ark rather than embarking on a folly to recreate the biblical Noah’s Ark. At 3,000 tons and 450 x 75 feet wide, it is much smaller than the 10,000 ton, 630 by 110 feet Ark Royal. It will also probably end up costing him more (£1,000,000) than the scrap value of aircraft carrier. Still he is a man driven by the conviction that building a replica Ark will inspire people to follow the Old Testament. I didn’t think that even Christians believed the Ark myth anymore.

The Dutchman's Noah's Ark

He plans to sail the Ark into London for the Olympics next year and has asked Mayor Boris Johnson for permission. Knowing the tactfulness of our Boris, I expect he’ll say yes and then blast the boat out of the water with the de-commissioned guns off the Ark Royal. At least there should be a pirate boarding raid.

12 Comments

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12 responses to “The Flying Dutchman’s Ark Royal

  1. I wonder if ‘World Domination’ is an acceptable reason for a bid on the Ark Royal?

    (Also, I did a quick back-of-the-envelope calculation, and I calculate you couldn’t fit two of every species in Johan Huiber’s ark. I figure it’s a dud.)

  2. Rox

    I don’t know how it is that this seems to have been forgotten, but (apart from the quite limited number of ritually unclean species) you need room for fourteen of each species, not two. The Lord is perfectly clear about this, see the beginning of Genesis chapter 7 .

    • Oh, that completely rules out Huiber’s ark, then.

      :p

      • Rox

        What makes me wonder if the whole thing is just a legend is this : How did the Lord expect Noah and his small Iraqi staff to round up kangaroos and llamas ? But they must have done for the conservation programme to have worked.

      • According to the Landover Baptist Church, my home country of Australia is the Land of the Sodomite Damned. So kangaroos are by inference creatures of the devil. They would have been on the Devil’s Ark (Hey – the Devil’s Ark! That’s such a great idea – I’m surprised I haven’t thought of it before this! I’m running with that one… Jeepers – I just checked and the domain is even available!)

  3. There are at least two people in the office behind me that believe the ark myth to be fact. Educated people, too. Not sure how this huge hole in their psyche formed, but it’s filled with Bible.

  4. I didn’t think that even Christians believed the Ark myth anymore.

    I suspect this is another US/UK difference. People are hysterical about that crap over here.

    Even among moderate Christians, my experience has been that things like the ark are treated sort of like how slightly older kids treat Santa: If pressed, they sorta know it’s gotta be fake, but they don’t really think about it and CERTAINLY saying so out loud is anathema.

  5. Rox

    Disciples of the Devil’s Ark. Isn’t it tempting to start up your own religion ?

    • Oh, believe me, knowing how easy it would be is about the most tempting thing I can imagine. But luckily for the world I am content to just stay the Reverend at the Church of the Tetherd Cow.

  6. Arno

    Bruce, you are actually surprised people believe in the Ark? There have been repeated ‘scientific’ excursions to Mount Ararat in Turkey (as that is the place were the Ark supposedly hit ground) to find its remains. None of course have been successful.
    The Creation Museum presents the Flood as science and even gives a ‘scientific’ explanation for how the animals found their way to the different continents (they used the floating wreckage as bridges).
    Huibers already created an Ark which was half the size of the original Ark (150 cubits or 70 metres), with which he travels around and preaches the good word. However, is he is also a lying cheat. This half-sized Ark is not built according to biblical instructions: it actually has a steel hull. And it has one for a good reason: a wooden structure wouldn’t be strong enough to support itself. As soon as even this half-Ark would hit the water, it would shatter. And now he is building a full-size one, which will be a full 140 metres in length. Keep in mind that the tallest wooden ship ever made, the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_Dunderberg"Rochambeau, (at 115 metres) had a ton of metal components and actually only sailed once. It simply wasn’t safe to use it on open water. A somewhat shorter (100 metres), but completely wooden ship (the Wyoming) required non-stop use of pumps to keep the water out. Once it hit heavy seas though, it sank like a brick.
    Huibers’ real Ark will therefore either be a cheat (as he will need a steel hull again) or it will be a wooden version of the Titanic. Either way, I actually look forward to him trying to get that boat to London: it will probably prove, once and for all, that, unless God himself kept the Ark together, there is simply no freaking way that the Ark story can be true.

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