Bring Back Zelda!

I just finished a phone interview with “Wired” magazine for my book review in the April issue. The journalist who interviewed me was a young lady with the unusual name, Zelda. She was delightful and let me ramble on for ages. I don’t know about you but I always try to picture who I am speaking to when on the phone. I find it hard without seeing the face (that’s why I love SKYPE – also its free!). Anyway to me, the name Zelda has always been magical – think Princess Zelda or the Legend of Zelda – you gamers out there will know what I am on about.

However, those of you of a certain age will also remember that other Zelda,zelda-1 the main villian of “Terrahawks” in what was probably one of the most grotesque and terrifying puppet portrayals of evil ever. Terrahawks is cult TV and yes, I know I sound a bit nerdy but frankly, I have been altered permanently by watching Terrahawks during my student days. I defy anyone to come up with a more traumatizing, ghoulish children’s puppet series (Bill and Ben aside). Zelda, along with her hideous sister, Cystar cystar-1(a clear case of Hollywood plastic surgery gone wrong) and Zelda’s abomination son, Yung-Star truly made you want to wretch with his drooling sputum.y-star-1

Bring back Terrahawks. It will scare children back into a state of trembling fear where they belong.

Which childhood characters terrified you? Muffin the Mule? Barney?

25 Comments

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25 responses to “Bring Back Zelda!

  1. Arno

    Bah, I reject your Zelda and substitute my own!

    It is dangerous to go alone! Take this And it still has one of the best soundtracks ever made.
    Oh, and then that movie trailer on IGN that proved to be an April Fool’s Joke. How cruel, how brutal.

    But about scary characters as a child. Personally, I have always disliked clowns. And that was mostly due to early involuntary contact with good old Pennywise and that very nasty clown from the third episode of Are You Afraid Of The Dark (see episode here ). That episode is, when you are 8, one of the scariest things you can imagine.
    One of the things that scared me as well, were the Sesamestreet shorts where a salesman tried to sell Kermit glasses or something that required a bodypart Kermit did not possess (ears, for example). The salesman would suddenly jump on Kermit to pull him off-screen, and when Kermit re-appeared, he usually has these fake ears or nose and stuff. Somehow, the idea of taking someone’s ears and putting them on someone else always creeped me out.

  2. I think I may have mentioned this before, but for me it was the wolf from Never Ending Story, G’mork: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/2/2f/Ogmork.jpg

    And I thought I read that the Zelda film might now be happening? Something about response to the trailer being so huge…seems odd that someone isn’t picking up an obvious cash cow like that.

    You’ve started a strain of very nerdy comments here, Bruce.

  3. Arno

    Off-topic: Bruce, I believe you haven’t done a piece on pareidolia yet? If not, I’ll give you a nice excuse

  4. Arno

    And really, Katie? I need to check on that! Though there is always a risk that these movies suck massively because they ignore the entire setting of the game (e.g. Super Mario Bros, Alone in the Dark, Silent Hill and the pile of shite that will be Dragonball though in that latter case not much was lost anyway), my geeky heart starts beating more rapidly at the thought of a Zelda movie.

    I must be getting soft, old and nostalgic.

  5. okathleen

    What’s in a name?
    Zelda is marginally better than Adolf Hitler and Aryan Nation.

    http://blogs.usatoday.com/ondeadline/2008/12/couple-names-ch.html

    http://www.okathleen.wordpress.com

  6. Jenny

    I was scared of the Gremlins. Seriously!

  7. poietes

    Okay, when I was a child, and probably still now, if I am to be honest, I was terrified by anything involving eye balls. I can watch most horror movies; in fact, I really like the Asian Extreme ones that scare the crap out of you, but if someone goes near a character’s eye with a needle or drill or thumb, I have to cower under the sheets.

    I know. It’s not exactly a character like you guys were talking about, but I couldn’t even watch a character like Go-Ku get it in the eyes. I’m a dork.

  8. caveman doesn’t like horror films,but his wife sure does!

    the woman thinks it is funny that i look away or find an excuse to walk out during the scary parts in a movie…
    what can i say?i’m a scary movie wimp!

    the movie about the damn clown scared me when i was a kid.still don’t like clowns!

  9. brucehood

    Oh Poietes…, Have I got one for you! Try watching, “Audition” modern Japanese horror with horrible eyes sequence…. or if you want eyeball terror then old British movie, “Peeping Tom” – don’t go peeking through the peep hole!

    caveman – I think you mean the Stephen King film, “It” Clowns are notoriously terrifying to young children. I wonder why. But you are still a big whoose! I think you need to change your name to cavegirl.
    (ok,, so I can’t stand the sight of maggots…. guess we all have our Achilles heel!)

  10. brucehood

    Welcome Jenny, good of you to drop by. Gremlins – is that before or after you have fed them at night?

  11. Arno

    Yep, Pennywise (the clown from It) is an icon of horror and indeed, clowns are scary! They have these unrecognisable, deformed faces which make them a case of information overload for young kids.

    And for eye-related horror, I always go for The Eye! And then I mean the brilliant original movies, not that monstrosity with Jessica Alba. Really proper scary stuff without the need for flying human bits and pieces.

  12. It has got to be the old favourite…

    DALEKS

    with the obvious copout:-

    http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=gxR5jsJ

  13. brucehood

    NobblySan… original CyberMen.. we used to wear our school satchels back to front on our chests to emulate the Cybermen!

  14. poietes

    I think that I accidentally started to watch “Audition” one night on Fear.net. Oooh. No eyes. No eyes. No eyes. I’m telling you, all of the Saw movies have an eye scene of some sort, and I particularly abhor when they get the eye out of the socket but not all the way so that it’s dangling on the face. I think that I can look again. Corey says it’s okay to look, and damn if that eye isn’t hanging there. What is it with that?

    No mas. No mas. Por favor. No mas. icky, icky, icky.

  15. Whoa! Playground flashback!

    Back to front satchels – well bloody hell… I remember now.

    You’re right – the new cybermen (and the daleks, come to that) are just too shiny and perfect. They don’t have the same ‘behind the settee’ potential of the old ones.

  16. Ram Venkatararam

    Captain Kangaroo scared me beyond belief. And there was a local show called “Rocket Ship Seven” that had a hand-puppet witch named Cicely. Terrified me for years. A bit afraid of H.R. Puffenstuff too…

    Looks like I scare easily

  17. poietes

    Mr. Greenjeans was a little bit too friendly, if you ask me . . .

    But H. R. Puffenstuff was just one stop away from a bad non-legal pharmaceutical trip. Wasn’t he large and lavendar (pre Barney)?

    Damn, now I have that stupid song in my head . . . H. R. Puffenstuff/Keeps going when things get rough/H.R. Puffenstuff/something something, do enough.

    Crap.

  18. ….”Can’t do a little cause he can’t do enough.”

    Hadn’t thought of the song in ages, poietes.

    Think it might have been “he’s your friend when things get rough” but I’m not sure.

    Come to think of it, the song scared me too.

  19. poietes

    Ooh, yuck. What does that mean, anyway? “Can’t do a little cause he can’t do enough”? That whole show was probably invented by some preverts who liked to scare little children. Can’t you imagine them, in their costumes, laughing their a**es off: “Hey, d’ya see the bugger in the third row? I think he pissed himself.” Commence weird laughter.

  20. podblack

    ….uh, okay, that has to be the weirdest off-topic drift yet for a topic…

  21. brucehood

    podblack.. guilty as charged. I guess I just had an off-day trying to think of a supersense related blog. There again, you don’t meet many Zeldas so I felt I had to comment.
    Bruce

  22. There’s nothing wrong with the odd bit of ‘off topic’ here and there.

    Now, about tonight’s football…..

  23. poietes

    I didn’t think that it was possible to go too far off-topic here. That’s why I love to visit. I never know where you guys are going to take me.

  24. brucehood

    That’s the way I like to do it…I love the random nature of connectivity and the underlying synchronicity of it all…. whoa!

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